To paraphrase Jon Stewart’s intro for Daily Show correspondent Lewis Black, “Sometimes a news story falls through the cracks, here to catch them is Chris Vining, with his column, Delusions of Randomness.” So I will touch upon stories that didn’t get big headlines, but are still important.
Baseball
The Red Sox finally decided to give Terry Francona (the most successful Sox manager in decades) a three-year contract extension. Francona is now signed through 2011, and as long as nothing drastic changes (Manny Ramirez goes insane and tries to mentor upcoming prospects)he has a great chance to lead the Red Sox to another World Series Championship in the next four years. Francona is a class act and does a great job of handling the Boston media.
Kudos to the Red Sox for signing Bartolo Colon to a minor league contract this week. Curt Schilling will be lucky if he can pitch with any effectiveness again, and Colon is a low risk (and cost) investment to make sure the Sox have depth in the rotation. Colon is not the Cy Young pitcher he was, and despite being an injury risk, he provides Clay Buchholz a chance to be brought along slowly. If the Sox can get anything above twenty starts they would be in a great position, as Colon can still pitch when he is on his game. For those people complaining about the rich getting richer, Colon was still unsigned when Spring Training opened, and was signed for chump change. He was more than fair game.
The Tampa Bay Rays dropped the “Devil” from their name but they might sign the Devil to their roster. Barry Bonds has arisen as a target for Tampa, which might not be as bad of an idea as it sounds. The Rays are young and talented, and Bonds would take a rapidly improving offense to dangerous levels. Bonds would also provide insurance for Cliff Floyd and Roco Baldelli. If Evan Longoria can be effective in the Majors this year, than the Rays have one of the top 10 offenses in baseball, and that is without Bonds. Adding the *All-Time Home Run King* would make the Rays a Wild Card threat, but the health of Scott Kazmir and Troy Percival will be key factors toward the Rays’ quest to get out of the AL East cellar.
Koby Clemens has been caught in a very tough spot for the Astros. While he is in Major League Spring Training he is subject to the substance advise of Miguel Tejada. If/when Koby is sent to Minor League Camp he will have his father to talk with. The younger Clemens should say he has visa problems and skip camp, or show up for another teams’ Spring Training.
Not only is Jonathan Papelbon the best young closer in baseball he showed that he could bust a move during the playoffs, and people took notice. Paps was offered a spot as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, however he turned it down when he realized he had to dance to music that wasn’t played by the Dropkick Murphys.
Football
Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor are family, and were teammates on the Dolphins up until Bill Parcells rolled into town. Taylor is now working on his footwork as a member of the Dancing With the Stars cast. Thomas was pushed into the unemployment line until Jerry Jones offered Thomas a chance to play in his home state of Texas. Thomas will make the Cowboys better on defense, even if his skills are diminishing. His knowledge and leadership will be key to the Cowboys defense, and his locker room presence cannot be underestimated. He also hates vacationing during bye weeks.
The Atlanta Falcons won the coin flip to give them the third pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. The downside is that the Falcons have so many holes that they could have used a lower pick. The benefit is that more players would be off the board so they would have an easier time picking which player will be blamed for a string of losing seasons.
Peter King of Sports Illustrated predicted that the Giants would win the Super Bowl against the Patriots if they could apply consistent pressure on Brady. He also suggested the Giants might win if they could outscore the Patriots. I am a Peter King fan but my three year old knew the game was in trouble when the Pat’s line had trouble blocking the rush.
Rex Grossman was resigned to a one year, three million-dollar contract by the Chicago Bears. No seriously, the Bears resigned him and Kyle Orton in the same week. That is a punch line, but I can’t even come up with a joke.
Basketball
Former players Keith Van Horn and Aaron McKie were included in trades despite not being active players. In an attempt to bolster their roster the Celtics had a trade in place to send Bob Cousy to Memphis for Mike Conley. Memphis was looking to add veteran leadership and cut payroll (Cousy was making 5 figures in his last contract) and the deal was perfect for both sides. The trade fell through at the last minute when Memphis was unable to find a pair of shorts short enough for Cousy to wear.
Yao Ming suffered a stress fracture in his foot and now will be out for the season. While this is a shot to the Rockets playoff chances, the worse news is that Yao’s backup is Dikembe Mutombo, who has scored a whopping seven points this season. The Rockets do not have any players 6’10’’ or taller besides Steve Novak, who weighs in at a massive 220 pounds and has played less than fifty career games.
Sam Cassell has asked to be bought out of his contract with the Los Angeles Clippers so he can sign with (most likely) Boston or Denver. What makes Sam I Am even more attractive is that he has already missed 15 games due to injuries this year. When questioned about his health Cassell had this to say, “The Celtics are getting damaged goods if I do go over there," Cassell said. "But I'll be all right." Nothing says sign me like that quote.
NASCAR
Dale Earnhardt Jr. has a new team but the same winning ways. Junior hasn’t been allowed in the winner’s circle in over five-dozen races. Maybe he should spend less time doing commercials and spend more time on figuring out why his engines keep blowing up. Just a thought, I’m no car expert.
Hockey
The trade deadline just passed and players were moving all over North America (except to Mexico, there is no ice there). The Penguins acquired Marian Hossa, the top forward available, and the player that can put the Penguins in position for a Stanley Cup run. Wait, Penguins adding payroll? Weren’t they going to be sold and moved to Canada earlier this year?
In what has become an all too familiar scenario, the Boston Bruins promised to be active at the trade deadline but failed to bring in anyone at all, even a fourth line bench warmer. The Bruins are clinging to a playoff spot but are falling fast. Why are season ticket sales down again?
Baseball
The Red Sox finally decided to give Terry Francona (the most successful Sox manager in decades) a three-year contract extension. Francona is now signed through 2011, and as long as nothing drastic changes (Manny Ramirez goes insane and tries to mentor upcoming prospects)he has a great chance to lead the Red Sox to another World Series Championship in the next four years. Francona is a class act and does a great job of handling the Boston media.
Kudos to the Red Sox for signing Bartolo Colon to a minor league contract this week. Curt Schilling will be lucky if he can pitch with any effectiveness again, and Colon is a low risk (and cost) investment to make sure the Sox have depth in the rotation. Colon is not the Cy Young pitcher he was, and despite being an injury risk, he provides Clay Buchholz a chance to be brought along slowly. If the Sox can get anything above twenty starts they would be in a great position, as Colon can still pitch when he is on his game. For those people complaining about the rich getting richer, Colon was still unsigned when Spring Training opened, and was signed for chump change. He was more than fair game.
The Tampa Bay Rays dropped the “Devil” from their name but they might sign the Devil to their roster. Barry Bonds has arisen as a target for Tampa, which might not be as bad of an idea as it sounds. The Rays are young and talented, and Bonds would take a rapidly improving offense to dangerous levels. Bonds would also provide insurance for Cliff Floyd and Roco Baldelli. If Evan Longoria can be effective in the Majors this year, than the Rays have one of the top 10 offenses in baseball, and that is without Bonds. Adding the *All-Time Home Run King* would make the Rays a Wild Card threat, but the health of Scott Kazmir and Troy Percival will be key factors toward the Rays’ quest to get out of the AL East cellar.
Koby Clemens has been caught in a very tough spot for the Astros. While he is in Major League Spring Training he is subject to the substance advise of Miguel Tejada. If/when Koby is sent to Minor League Camp he will have his father to talk with. The younger Clemens should say he has visa problems and skip camp, or show up for another teams’ Spring Training.
Not only is Jonathan Papelbon the best young closer in baseball he showed that he could bust a move during the playoffs, and people took notice. Paps was offered a spot as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, however he turned it down when he realized he had to dance to music that wasn’t played by the Dropkick Murphys.
Football
Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor are family, and were teammates on the Dolphins up until Bill Parcells rolled into town. Taylor is now working on his footwork as a member of the Dancing With the Stars cast. Thomas was pushed into the unemployment line until Jerry Jones offered Thomas a chance to play in his home state of Texas. Thomas will make the Cowboys better on defense, even if his skills are diminishing. His knowledge and leadership will be key to the Cowboys defense, and his locker room presence cannot be underestimated. He also hates vacationing during bye weeks.
The Atlanta Falcons won the coin flip to give them the third pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. The downside is that the Falcons have so many holes that they could have used a lower pick. The benefit is that more players would be off the board so they would have an easier time picking which player will be blamed for a string of losing seasons.
Peter King of Sports Illustrated predicted that the Giants would win the Super Bowl against the Patriots if they could apply consistent pressure on Brady. He also suggested the Giants might win if they could outscore the Patriots. I am a Peter King fan but my three year old knew the game was in trouble when the Pat’s line had trouble blocking the rush.
Rex Grossman was resigned to a one year, three million-dollar contract by the Chicago Bears. No seriously, the Bears resigned him and Kyle Orton in the same week. That is a punch line, but I can’t even come up with a joke.
Basketball
Former players Keith Van Horn and Aaron McKie were included in trades despite not being active players. In an attempt to bolster their roster the Celtics had a trade in place to send Bob Cousy to Memphis for Mike Conley. Memphis was looking to add veteran leadership and cut payroll (Cousy was making 5 figures in his last contract) and the deal was perfect for both sides. The trade fell through at the last minute when Memphis was unable to find a pair of shorts short enough for Cousy to wear.
Yao Ming suffered a stress fracture in his foot and now will be out for the season. While this is a shot to the Rockets playoff chances, the worse news is that Yao’s backup is Dikembe Mutombo, who has scored a whopping seven points this season. The Rockets do not have any players 6’10’’ or taller besides Steve Novak, who weighs in at a massive 220 pounds and has played less than fifty career games.
Sam Cassell has asked to be bought out of his contract with the Los Angeles Clippers so he can sign with (most likely) Boston or Denver. What makes Sam I Am even more attractive is that he has already missed 15 games due to injuries this year. When questioned about his health Cassell had this to say, “The Celtics are getting damaged goods if I do go over there," Cassell said. "But I'll be all right." Nothing says sign me like that quote.
NASCAR
Dale Earnhardt Jr. has a new team but the same winning ways. Junior hasn’t been allowed in the winner’s circle in over five-dozen races. Maybe he should spend less time doing commercials and spend more time on figuring out why his engines keep blowing up. Just a thought, I’m no car expert.
Hockey
The trade deadline just passed and players were moving all over North America (except to Mexico, there is no ice there). The Penguins acquired Marian Hossa, the top forward available, and the player that can put the Penguins in position for a Stanley Cup run. Wait, Penguins adding payroll? Weren’t they going to be sold and moved to Canada earlier this year?
In what has become an all too familiar scenario, the Boston Bruins promised to be active at the trade deadline but failed to bring in anyone at all, even a fourth line bench warmer. The Bruins are clinging to a playoff spot but are falling fast. Why are season ticket sales down again?
That is all I have this week, remember if you heard it here first you need to pay closer attention to real sports reporters! I will be back when I return.
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